A Point of Decision

0 comments Posted on July 8, 2014

Susan Mathisby Susan G. Mathis

“I can’t forgive his self-centeredness,” Tara said. “He just took a new job, without talking to me, and now we have to move. Again! I refuse to make one more change just because he thinks we should.”

Change is never easy, especially when we don’t choose it. But we can—and should—find a way to move forward. Sometimes that takes the help of a good friend, a professional counselor, or a pastor.

Countdown for CouplesOne of the best things we can do is analyze how we naturally tend to deal with change. When we recognize this and then adjust our not-so-healthy patterns of thinking and behavior, we can learn how to deal with change more productively.

Sometimes a change seems accidental or random, and it’s frightening. Often, we simply have expectations that are unrealistic, and we think that everything should work out well, like a Hallmark movie. When it doesn’t, we are surprised or disappointed, angry, or hurt.

Other times we just can’t face the loss associated with the change. So we become trapped by fear, sadness, or loss, and we feel embarrassed, ashamed, or confused that we have these negative feelings.

The-Remarriage-AdventureSooner or later we find ourselves at a point of decision—either we acknowledge it and move through the transition, or we abort it and return to the old thing. It may be as simple as stepping away from a toxic friend or as big as moving to a new town, but without completing the transition, we’ll likely repeat the lesson we need to learn.

Susan is author of The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness and Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage with her husband, Dale. Please visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more. Copyright © 2014, all rights reserved.

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