Answering Your Kid’s Questions About . . . the Birds and Bees
Your child may ask, “Where do babies come from?” And your tween or teen have numerous questions like, “How do I handle the opposite sex?” Or your college student will wonder, “Is this the one?” We just released a new book, “10 Questions Your Kids Will Ask About Sex” (Harvest House) that cover MANY more than ten questions kids ask from pre-school to premarital! Keep these principles in mind as you prepare to dialogue with your child or teen.
Cover the basic biology before they hear about it on the playground. Talk about body changes before they happen and feelings for the opposite gender before they are interested in the opposite sex. Talk about healthy, God-ordained sex in marriage before you have to deal with distortions of sex by Satan.
Give them 20 percent more information than they ask for. Be tactfully explicit—not abstract. Answer the question with a short answer first, wait for response, and then offer more details as you need to.
Positive message are better than negative. Instead of saying “don’t do this or that,” try to reframe it into an affirmative. For example, instead of telling a tween or teen premarital that sex is bad, so don’t do it, tell them that sex is a good gift and that is why it is to be protected until expressed in marriage.
Use accurate medical terms instead of nicknames for body parts. Be straightforward and tell your child why you want to talk about the next layer of sexual information. And if you lacked in judgment in an area growing up, share this information at an age-appropriate time.
Talk, Then Listen
Learn to listen, not just lecture. Practice questions like: Have you heard the term _____? Do you know what _____ is? What have you heard from friends about _____? How do you feel about what I just shared? Do you have any questions about what I shared with you?
Be prepared for what you think might be the next sexual question or topic that might come up. If surprised, feel free to say, “Wow, that’s a great question. Let me get some information together for you and we’ll chat about this later).”
Bill and Pam Farrel are relationship specialists, Directors of Love-Wise, and authors of over 38 books including Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti and their newest, 10 Questions Kids Will Ask About Sex. www.Love-Wise.com