Abortion is Hazardous to Your Spiritual Health
When I chose abortion, I didn’t ask myself whether it was morally right or wrong. That question was the last thing on my mind.
I recall the scant conversations while planning the procedure:
“No, it’s not a baby. It’s just tissue.”
“Yes, it’s very safe and confidential. No one needs to know.”
“You can go through this, and it will be as if you were never pregnant.”
These whispered deceptions cloaked my decision as “reproductive choice.” No one would need to know I was sexually active. No one would need to know my shame and rejection over my fiancé’s refusal to marry. No one would need to know I was building my future on a hidden lie.
The conversations on the day of my abortion were even shorter.
“No, I don’t have any questions.”
“Yes, we will pay cash.”
Resignation and detachment covered a sadness I didn’t reveal, even to myself. I just wanted to get there, get through it, and get out. I made no eye contact and kept my head down. I managed to stay emotionally detached until immediately before the procedure. Then, in a defining moment, the attendant grasped my hand and asked, “Are you all right?”
The physical contact and a kind tone in her voice woke me to the reality of what I was about to do. I knew in my heart it was wrong. I knew I should have just said, “Stop!” Instead, I lay silent, witnessing my own failure and fear.
After a while, I nodded for her to continue.
She then called my attention to a jar affixed to a tube and equipment off to the side. She said this jar would signal the doctor, who remained out of view, that the procedure was complete. There was noise. There was pressure. I watched the bright red jar. And thus ended the life of my little one.
Abortion is such a hot-button issue. Politics, women’s rights, privacy, and medical practice all come into play. But after you experience it, the questions become much more personal, much more pressing. It’s so important to learn that you are not alone. According to the Guttmacher Institute, one-third of women in their mid-forties have had abortions; every year, more than 1.3 million women experience elective abortions; and nearly two-thirds of these women have some Christian religious affiliation. There are millions of us Christian women who never held the baby we thought we did not want, but now wish we could have known and loved.
For us, abortion has become a spiritual issue, a matter of the heart. My faith was so frail and fragile that, even though somewhere in my heart I always knew it was true, I just couldn’t believe God loved me no matter what. Instead, I wrestled endlessly with my questions and my doubts:
Does God hate me—and is abortion a sin?
Was it a baby? When does life begin?
Can I be forgiven—and must I forgive?
What about the baby in eternity? Am I going to hell?
What does the Bible say?
Will this sorrow ever end?
After abortion, such troubling questions may render you immobilized in a state of spiritual inertia feeling stuck, depressed, numb, and unable to love. Jesus once helped a man who lay crippled for over thirty-eight years as a result of his sin by asking the man to focus on a question he hadn’t yet considered: do you want to get well?
If Jesus were to arrive in your life today asking if you want spiritual healing after abortion, how would you answer? Believing that hope is possible begins the healing journey out of abortion’s isolation, pain, and loss.
Maybe your abortion anguish has become a comfortable place of refuge in a hostile world of hurt. Jesus says, “Let it go. I have a better place for you. I will be your refuge. I will heal your hurts. I will help you walk onto the solid ground of faith.”
If you want to get well, spiritual recovery after abortion can be yours. Jesus has come to cradle our hearts, and the hearts of our children in his eternal care.
Kim Ketola is a sought-after writer and motivational speaker with the Ruth Graham and Friends conference. After thirty years in the broadcasting industry, she founded a nonprofit organization through which she presents professionally accredited conferences to equip counselors and help individuals recover from the emotional and spiritual wounds of abortion.