Removing the Veil

11 comments Posted on March 1, 2015

by Jennifer Smith

When I first became a wife, I didn’t realize I had entered marriage with expectations, insecurities, and imperfections that would hinder my ability to embrace true intimacy with my husband. The first three years of marriage were emotionally draining and painful.

I often felt deceived, wondering about who the man was I chose to marry. Our relationship seemed drastically different being married than when we dated, and the commitment of forever scared me into doubt. I thought I had made a huge mistake marrying my husband. Every issue we faced as a couple was amplified as we both wrestled with our fears and doubt about marriage being a mistake.

UnveiledWifeThe more we struggled in our relationship, the more we argued, the more we fought to be right…the more we isolated ourselves from each other. I began to withhold intimacy from my husband, believing that I deserved someone better than him. I blamed my husband for everything wrong going on in our lives, including my unhappiness.

Over years of harboring bitterness in my heart, I had kept a veil over my heart to protect me from being hurt in my marriage. I convinced myself that if I hide my heart from my husband, I would be secure enough to endure through anything, even the devastation of divorce.

But, then something changed. In a time when I was a hopeless wife, God rescued me. God revealed to me that I was running from Him and from my vow of marriage. Then He asked me to stop running and encouraged me to be unveiled. Being unveiled is about being transformed by God’s grace as transparency in my relationships thrive. I had to let my husband into my heart and I had to let him get to know the real me.

One night I asked my husband if I can share with him some personal things. For two hours and with many tears, I told my husband some of the darkest things in my heart, things I had never told anyone. That transparency allowed my husband the opportunity to show me love and grace, through which we experienced a moment of true intimacy through open communication. It was healing to my soul.

In order for me to embrace intimacy with God or my husband, I had to be willing to be unveiled and remove all the expectations, insecurities, and imperfections that blinded me from seeing who I truly am, who God is and who my husband is. The Unveiled Wife is my story of the journey I went through as a young wife and how God unveiled me so that I could know the fullness of His great love.

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Discussion…

  • 03/02/2015
    Susie Dueck said:

    I have been married 15 yrs and this is exactly how I feel right now. I am struggling with bitterness, anger and frustration towards my husband. I love him very much but I am working on trying to let God work with me. I need to let go of these feelings, I am not happy with anything it feels like right now.

  • 03/02/2015
    Beth said:

    thank you for this. I needed to see this today and it truly spoke to my heart.

    thank you for sharing

  • 03/02/2015
    SG said:

    This reflects my feelings right now, but there is still a disconnect within me somewhere. I try and try to share with him and Lord knows, I’ve prayed and PRAYED! Until I almost believe God is not there. Talking to him is like talking to a wall. Porn was an issue for YEARS – and YEARS of his rejecting my advances, memories that o cannot get relief from… our finances are DESTROYED by his lying and blaming me. I just want out. I KNOW my life won’t be better. But I still feel the burning need to escape this situation. My question is the same one I asked our church councelor, who couldn’t give an answer. “How far do I have to lower my expectations?” I mean, how far does it have to go? My needs have never been met in this marraige and I’m expected to shut up and sit on my hands and do whatever it takes to “respect.”

  • 03/02/2015
    Carrie said:

    after going through some unfortunate things with my husband I can relate to this story. I blamed my husband for everything and I was selfish and stubborn for a very long time before I actually realized what I was doing, my husband had betrayed me and after I found out I became even more selfish and unhappy and I made sure he was unhappy as well. I finally saw the light after a lot of darkness and things changed in my life and marriage. God is amazing and I read now and talk to him daily, I have been so blessed and I will be spending my life getting closer to God. I have learned so much in a short time and my marriage and my relationship with my husband gets better everyday. For a longtime I was being held back by my stubbornness, my emotions, and my selfishness. Everyday is a new day for me and I know God is there for me and my husband. I also know that I have some past things that may never go away but I know now who to go to when I feel overwhelmed.

  • 03/02/2015
    Amy said:

    I too have been struggling with anger, unforgiveness and frustration towards my husband because of the choices he has made. I know I need to share myself more-I find that I don’t want to do that and make myself vulnerable. I am afraid that I will continue to feel hurt and disappointed if he doesn’t make better choices, even though honesty and vulnerability would help our situation. As I spent time with God this morning He helped me to see that I need to be honest and vulnerable with my husband in obedience to Him, and even if I do end up continuing to feel hurt or disappointed, He will be there to comfort and strengthen me. All He is asking is for my obedience, and no matter the outcome He is there to take care of me.

  • 03/02/2015
    kev said:

    Wow. God bless you all. You ladies are my hero, really!
    The struggles so many of you reveal. We were so normal/abnormal after all. The fakeness does not work. Prayer and faith works. FORGIVENESS. To bad it wasn’t, “I want a better marriage!” instead of the ultimate selfish act. Forced us all into it now, 7 kids 25 yrs marriage.
    Go set those boundries, write a plan down, Dave Ramsey, Mort Fertel, Retrouvaille.com, any of this, read, read read and then do. Do it with honesty and all your heart. God bless you women.

  • 03/02/2015
    deb said:

    25 years. He never connected I do not know if he can but can I? With him I mean? Days I want OUT. But I am afraid to do it. Kids at home and some married. Will it ruin their lives. Just waiting waiting waiting for God to reveal His will. PRAYERS PLEASE.

  • 03/02/2015
    Renzka said:

    Thanks so much for this! Also going through deep waters in my marriage

  • 03/03/2015
    Jen said:

    I’ve been in this same place. We’re going on year 3, both of us with previous failed marriages. I opened up and gave him my heart, shared my deepest fears, hopes, dreams, prayers, etc… That was ove a year ago. Now after a bit shy of a year of counseling all I get is him using those things against me. Saying things like I am having pitty parties, and other such things. How do I keep my heart open to emotional abuse? Please pray for revelation and restoration in our hearts.

  • 03/04/2015
    Soc said:

    This was so encouraging to read, I am a new wife of just 3 months. The first two paragraphs in your blog..I feel like I could have written them. This encourages me to have hope, and that I am not the only one who feels like I do at this moment. I ordered your book Unveiled Wife, and look forward to it helping me become closer to my Jesus and to my Husband. Not to ramble..but your blog, book, and posts are giving me hope. Thank you for your transparency. Many Blessings to you!

  • 08/09/2020
    Aly said:

    Thank you for this…by Gods grace I came across your blog on Pinterest and was led to this article, as I started reading tears immediately starting running down my face, I knew then that the Lord was ready for me to face this issue that I didn’t even realize I had and to the extent it affected my marriage spiritually. I have been so inspired by you to step out of my fears and into Gods trust and am thankful for you using your gift to help people like me know that I am not alone. May God continue to bless you, I look forward and am excited to reading more of your material. Thank you, Aly.

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