Recognizing Real Vs. Distorted Love

0 comments Posted on August 18, 2012

Having faced rejection from an abusive father, abandonment from an abusive husband, and then betrayal by a boyfriend she thought was the “real deal,” Becky asked “What’s wrong with me?”

But Becky, as many of us do, was asking the wrong question. The question is often not “What is wrong with me?” but “What is wrong with this representation of ‘love’?”

At the root of our hurts is women is what I call “distorted love.” We thought it was real. But then we were burned. We trusted it as love, but discovered it was manipulation. Sadly it can take several years, multiple relationships, and countless scars  to finally realize that true and perfect love exists only in the One who is truly perfect: Jesus Christ.

In my newest book, When a Woman  Overcomes Life’s Hurts, I point out that we can achieve healing and wholeness when we recognize the difference between real and distorted love. Distorted love says “what’s in it for me?” And real love, as demonstrated by God toward us, says “what can I give so that you can be free?”

In John 15:13, Jesus said: “Greater love has no one that this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” And then Jesus did just that for us, whom He called His friends.

Were you hurt by someone who distorted the meaning of love? Your heart can begin to heal when you realize the difference between distorted, manipulative, self-seeking love, and love that is sacrificial, unconditional and ever-present.

Don’t settle for less any longer. Set your standard by placing any claim of love  next to the sacrificial love of Jesus. Lay a description of that man or parent or friend against the Bible’s description of love in First Corinthians 13:4-8. Then ask God to show you His idea of love and protect you from anything that falls short of it.

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author of several books, including When a Woman  Overcomes Life’s Hurts.

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