After a Breakup or Divorce: Bouncing Forward and Finding Joy Again

0 comments Posted on April 29, 2016

Jackie M. Johnsonby Jackie M. Johnson

Breakups are hard. Whether you’re trying to get over someone who left or you’re the one leaving, breakups can be messy, complicated and often devastatingly difficult.

I know. I’ve been there. And it hurts.

One day you’re sad, the next day you’re angry, and suddenly you’re just numb; you don’t feel anything because it just hurts too much to feel.

No one wants to feel rejected or betrayed. Or, if you’re the one who left, you may be dealing with feelings of guilt and shame.

Either way, you just want the pain to stop. You want healing and you want answers. Is it possible to get through this fragmenting process without falling to pieces?

Yes. Thankfully, yes.

I have learned that the key to getting past the hurt and pain of a relationship breakup is how you deal with endings—how you handle the emotional fallout of your breakup, in healthy or unhealthy ways, since that will determine the quality of your future love relationships—and your life.

If you or someone you know is reeling from a heartbreak and trying to get over a dating relationship breakup or divorce, know this: When you deal with emotional wounds and let God heal them, you can find new joy again, and be better equipped to find the healthy and lasting love you truly desire.

When Love EndsWhat has helped me move past the rejection, pain and anger of a relationship breakup?

I’ve learned that it’s OK to cry and get the sadness out. It’s also helpful to get perspective: Your relationship may be over, but your life is not.

I’ve learned that “grieving losses” is not just something you do when someone dies; it’s essential for emotionally processing all kinds of losses—including a breakup.

Healing emotional pain also came from telling myself the truth (e.g. “I am worth being loved well.”) and experiencing—not just knowing in my head—the amazing depth of God’s love for me.

One of the big lessons was learning to forgive the other person and myself. And discovering that when I forgive, it doesn’t let the other person “off the hook” for what he did; instead, it allows God to provide justice. It’s not mine to get revenge or hold on to anger. I can release it. I can be free from emotional pain.

Finally, self-esteem and a greater sense of worth returned like apple blossoms in the springtime. And I learned to make healthier choices in men and in life.

I am grateful that God redeems loss and pain, and heals the heart to love again.

It’s time to get through the sadness, past the pain and back into joy again.

The rest of your life is waiting.

Jackie M. Johnson is the author of Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times, Power Prayers for Women, and When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty.  Connect with Jackie at or on Facebook (Jackie M. Johnson – Author) or Twitter (@jackiecreative).


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