Removing the Veil
by Jennifer Smith
When I first became a wife, I didn’t realize I had entered marriage with expectations, insecurities, and imperfections that would hinder my ability to embrace true intimacy with my husband. The first three years of marriage were emotionally draining and painful.
I often felt deceived, wondering about who the man was I chose to marry. Our relationship seemed drastically different being married than when we dated, and the commitment of forever scared me into doubt. I thought I had made a huge mistake marrying my husband. Every issue we faced as a couple was amplified as we both wrestled with our fears and doubt about marriage being a mistake.
The more we struggled in our relationship, the more we argued, the more we fought to be right…the more we isolated ourselves from each other. I began to withhold intimacy from my husband, believing that I deserved someone better than him. I blamed my husband for everything wrong going on in our lives, including my unhappiness.
Over years of harboring bitterness in my heart, I had kept a veil over my heart to protect me from being hurt in my marriage. I convinced myself that if I hide my heart from my husband, I would be secure enough to endure through anything, even the devastation of divorce.
But, then something changed. In a time when I was a hopeless wife, God rescued me. God revealed to me that I was running from Him and from my vow of marriage. Then He asked me to stop running and encouraged me to be unveiled. Being unveiled is about being transformed by God’s grace as transparency in my relationships thrive. I had to let my husband into my heart and I had to let him get to know the real me.
One night I asked my husband if I can share with him some personal things. For two hours and with many tears, I told my husband some of the darkest things in my heart, things I had never told anyone. That transparency allowed my husband the opportunity to show me love and grace, through which we experienced a moment of true intimacy through open communication. It was healing to my soul.
In order for me to embrace intimacy with God or my husband, I had to be willing to be unveiled and remove all the expectations, insecurities, and imperfections that blinded me from seeing who I truly am, who God is and who my husband is. The Unveiled Wife is my story of the journey I went through as a young wife and how God unveiled me so that I could know the fullness of His great love.
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