‘Remember that thing Charlotte used to say when she didn’t get her way?’
Merryn and I sit in church after the morning service. Her comment refers to a time when our niece, then two years-old, wanted to play with all her blankets instead of just one, and the response she gave her mother when told she couldn’t.
‘When she said, “You’re ruining me!”?’
‘In many ways I’ve been saying the same thing to God about having a child,’ Merryn says. ‘I’ve said, “I want one. Why can’t I have one? You’re ruining me for not giving me one!” It’s time for this to stop.’
Merryn doesn’t speak with teary angst or steely resolve but with the peace of one who has been whispered to by God. I sense a quiet breakthrough happening.
‘To a two year old who sees only the present moment,’ she says, ‘having all your blankets to play with at once seems very important. In the grand scheme of things, of course, it’s not. Having a child has seemed very important to me too. But in the grand scheme of eternity, perhaps it’s not.
‘I don’t understand why God has said No to us having a child. Perhaps I never will. But I know him, and I know he wouldn’t have meant this for evil. So it’s time to let go of the Why questions now.
‘It’s time for me to move on.’