by Billie Jauss
Each day, no matter our age, we have relational exchanges with different people. In each encounter, we are called to love others, the ones God places in front of us wherever He puts us.
I raised three sons while navigating life with a husband who was coaching professional baseball. We lived in fifteen different cities and towns in the United States and also in Venezuela and the Dominican Republic.
In professional baseball, families have a new group of wives, kids, and girlfriends each spring and summer. We don’t get to choose the people we spend time with during the season; they come with the team. Still, community must be built, and relationships must be fostered.
Navigating the different connections we encounter can be challenging, but it starts with me, you…us. As parents, we are the example our kids see, exemplifying the command to love one another.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another,” John 13:34-35.
Loving one another is the central focus of Jesus’ earthly ministry, first, with God, which He made possible for us, and then with others.
Biblical love is the decision to compassionately, responsibly, and righteously pursue the well-being of others. It’s not just liking someone.
Sometimes, we aren’t comfortable when we are called to love others who aren’t like us. But at all times, we are to hold firm to our values while loving the unlovable.
Jesus doesn’t give us a choice. There is no distinction between loving this group of people and not those. He calls us to love those who don’t look like us, speak like us, believe like us, and even those who may not vote like us.
What is your choice? React to the situation you’ve found yourself in, or be proactive in building relationships?
When we react, our actions reveal our feelings. Feelings are never trustworthy and get us in trouble by overvaluing what our “gut” tells us. Reactive people are affected by the environment around them.
God’s love always involves a choice and an action. We learn its application as we navigate the four relationships in our lives: Accidental Acquaintances, Social Circles, Kindred Spirits, and Forever Family. We can connect with each in the depth needed when we understand these connections.
Accidental Acquaintances are people we may only meet one time. Social Circle consists of the people you encounter consistently but rarely spend one-on-one time with outside of a larger group. Kindred Spirits are the people you have contact with, and you feel there’s something special there; you spend time one-on-one. Forever Family are the very few who would go to war for you even if you don’t know you’re in a war.
Our interactions with the four relationships are different with each relational exchange; however, we must learn to love each of those people by using the “9 Core Qualities” to develop healthy relationships with each.
The “9 Core Qualities” are selflessness, inclusion, supportive, peacemaker, encouraging, compassionate, respectful, trustworthy, and generous.
These qualities are indispensable in cultivating an intentional Christian life, which involves making connections, building a community, and encouraging one another, all while loving others.
We must be intentional in building our community so that our children will understand how to cultivate healthy relationships. While raising our boys, we became highly intentional, teaching them to love everyone. From the most famous player on a team to the person cleaning the concourse, they were taught to interact with a purpose.
The “9 Core Qualities” helped us to act purposefully in loving ways. They are defined as:
Selflessness: seeing others' needs as more important than our wants.
Inclusion: going above and beyond to build connections with people we may never choose.
Supportive: helping others along the way with God’s Word and prayer.
Peacemaker: using God’s love to create loving relationships even when chaos reigns.
Encouraging: helping stimulate confidence and hope by putting courage in another person’s spirit.
Compassionate: showing sympathy toward another’s distress while having the desire to alleviate their pain.
Respectful: caring enough about another person to consider how our actions impact them.
Trustworthy: pouring out dependable, reliable, and honest character.
Generous: giving more affection and tenderness than is necessary.
Selflessness is the foundation of loving those God puts in front of us wherever He puts us. With each God-appointment, we are actively observant of the other person’s needs. If it is an Accidental Acquaintance, we pause and hold a door open when we’re in a rush. With our Forever Family, we seek their needs first because we know they will do the same for us.
No matter the connection, we must show respect to everyone. Eye contact with an Accidental Acquaintance. Sharing our Bible with someone at a Bible Study in our Social Circle. Respecting boundaries created by a Kindred Spirit. Mutual respect is shown with our Forever Family.
Discovering these virtues and how they develop in our network of loving relationships with people we may or may not choose frees us to build a community of love, no matter our age.
It is beautiful to watch my now-adult sons living out the command to love one another. It hasn’t always been perfect, but it is from a place of perfect love.
I pray the definitions of these relationships and the qualities for developing healthy relationships help you leave a legacy of love in your children.
Billie Jauss is an international speaker, award-winning author, and podcast host with over 37 years of experience navigating life supporting her husband, Dave, an MLB coach. She helps women navigate life's chaos and embrace the freedom and peace God desires for them. www.billiejauss.com
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