by Jessie Minassian
I’ll never forget the first time I heard it. I was speaking to a group of teen girls in Texas, and when the Q&A time fizzled to an awkward quiet, I decided to turn the tables and asked them a question.
“What would you say is the hardest part of being a teen today?”
After a moment’s pause (which had me wondering if I should just pack up shop), one brave girl spoke up. “Pressure. So much pressure.”
With her confession, the pin-drop quiet room erupted in murmuring. “Yeah,” others said. “For sure.”
Then, for the next twenty minutes, we talked about the sources of all that debilitating pressure.
Obviously hitting a nerve, I asked the next audience the same question. And another after that. To my surprise, in the years since, the answers have remained largely the same. Teen girls are drowning in pressure.
So what are these burdens that are making it so difficult for them?
Pressure to get the grade, be the hot girl, snag the guy, get into the college, please the parents, rock their sport, stay mentally healthy, dress cute, and figure out their future, all while posting about it online—for starters.
No wonder so many young adults today feel overwhelmed, anxious, and even hopeless. If I believed I had to do, be, and say everything right all the time, yet didn’t feel like I had the tools to succeed, I’d have trouble getting excited about life too.
Whether you have teenagers at home or you’re an aunt, teacher, grandma, mentor, or youth leader, you’ve probably seen the effects of this pressure on them. Effects like exhaustion, anxiety, perfectionism, and depression. Even unhealthy coping mechanisms like screen addiction, eating disorders, and self-harm can be traced (at least in part) to the underlying pressure girls are feeling. So, as adults who care deeply for them, what can we do to help relieve some of the root causes?
Evaluate Expectations
Parents, have you unknowingly added to this pressure with your own expectations? We all want to see our children succeed in life, but if your daughter feels you’ll be disappointed in her if she doesn’t play a sport, get straight A’s, or have strong faith, that’s a heavy burden for her to carry. Notice I said, “If she feels you’ll be disappointed,” not “if you’ll be disappointed.” Girls tend to subconsciously magnify the slightest expectation, so be mindful of not only what you’re saying but how she’s interpreting your words. If we imply that we want perfection, our daughters will perform, but the cost may be higher than we realize.
Model Balance
They say big life lessons are more often caught than taught. In other words, people learn from others’ actions more than their words. If that’s true, it’s gut check time. Where do you suppose young adults are getting the idea that they have to do, be, and say everything right all the time? Could it be that we’ve modeled a superhero syndrome for them? If we want to help relieve the pressure for today’s youth, we can start by modeling what it looks like to value margin in our schedules, when to say no, and how to be okay with giving our best effort rather than expecting perfection of ourselves.
Teach Time Management
One of the most commonly cited sources of pressure for teen girls is having more to do in a day than is possible to get done. Makes sense to me. Between school, sports, homework, youth group, appointments, lessons, tutoring, and the need to keep up with their friends (in person and online), they’re understandably maxed! Some of the demands on their time are unavoidable; others not so much. Sometimes, in an effort to keep their kids off of screens, parents even intentionally pack their kids’ schedules from morning to night. But we unknowingly compound stress when we allow—or even encourage—them to take on more than is healthy. Instead, let’s help them set realistic boundaries by teaching them how to schedule, prioritize their opportunities, and tell their tech who’s boss.
Radiate Positivity
Yeah, I get it, the world’s crazy and culture’s crazy and we’re all going crazy. But adult panic and pessimism does nothing to model resilience, hope, or—most importantly—faith to the next generation. Teen girls are especially sensitive to adult negativity. So be mindful of your tone, how you talk about current events, and your demeanor. Let’s remember that God is still God, and the issues humanity faces today are not fundamentally worse than civilizations before us. If the gospel was sufficient then, it’s sufficient now. As we model a spirit of optimism about the future and love for those we disagree with, we’ll make following God more appealing to the next generation.
Teens and young adults are facing challenges that you and I couldn’t have imagined when we were that age. But even with the advent of smart phones, AI, and gender therapy, the core questions they’re asking—questions about relationships, faith, and identity—are as old as time. If we can help them relieve some of the pressure they’re feeling, they’ll have more time to explore answers to those questions. Let’s be there to help guide them toward the truth of God’s Word so they can live their brightest lives.
Jessie Minassian is a popular speaker, blogger, and author of fifteen books spanning multiple genres. As the “resident big sis” at LifeLoveandGod.com, a Q&A website for teen- and young adults she founded in 2005, she keeps her finger on the pulse of each new generation. In addition to speaking across the country, Jessie’s work for girls and their parents has been featured internationally through outlets such as Focus on the Family, Parenting Today’s Teens, She Reads Truth, Axis, Revive Our Hearts and YouthWorker Journal. She and her husband live on the central coast of California with their two teen daughters.
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