Parents and Fear

by Tricia Goyer and Leslie Nunnery

Have you ever experienced something like this? Picture a sunny Saturday afternoon, the park buzzing with laughter and children playing. You’re watching your preteens dart across the field with their friends, their faces beaming with joy. On the park bench, sipping coffee, you can’t help but think about how different their world is compared to the one you grew up in. The realities facing today’s preteens are vastly different from even a decade ago.

All these changes can be alarming to us as parents. However, we cannot parent by fear. Instead, we must parent by faith. Do what God has called you to do and trust that He will take care of the ones you love. When you feel overwhelmed by social media, peer pressure, and everything else coming at your kids, turn that anxiety into an opportunity to cast your cares on the Lord, as instructed in 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Acknowledge the fear that is welling up inside you and ask God to direct your steps and give you wisdom. James 1:5 promises that He will give wisdom liberally when you ask.

The preteen years can be a time when fear rushes in for many parents. My oldest two are boys, and during this season, the fear I struggled with almost paralyzed me. I became ineffective as a parent because I constantly worried about all the dangers they would face, especially online and all the things I couldn’t protect them from. This fear overwhelmed me, and it was to the point where I even avoided necessary conversations with my children. Thankfully, God convicted me of my fear before it caused serious harm to my children.

Philippians 4:6 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” This includes raising preteens. If you don’t deal with issues when they are preteens, you will likely face the same issues later. When your children are out on their own, they can choose what they want. If we work on their hearts at these ages, we have the opportunity to be thankful, not fearful. Be thankful for the opportunity to address these issues while your children are still at home.

One thing I have often done is pray with open palms, saying, “Lord, these kids are Yours. This situation is Yours. This is really hard.” This mindset helps us use difficult moments as opportunities to discuss God’s standards with our kids, which builds a foundation for future (and sometimes even more difficult) conversations.

During this season of raising preteens, I had a sense of dread that my boys would fall into all kinds of horrible traps from the enemy, and I found myself growing increasingly distrustful of them. My mind played tricks on me and my imagination went wild, and our relationship took a short-term beating for it. My very sensitive preteens recognized that I didn’t regard them as trustworthy as I used to, and they were hurt by it.

There will be times when your child loses your trust through his actions, but parents often struggle with skepticism about their child based on what they are fearful they will do or participate in. If you find yourself feeling that way, now’s the time to make that right with your son or daughter. Explain to them that you were allowing fear to cause you to react foolishly. Talk to them about how even parents need to be reining in our thoughts so they’re in line with what we know to be true. Times like these when you acknowledge your mistakes offer you great relationship-building times with them and strengthen trust in the long run.

If you look at pop culture and the way that the world wants to make you think of this age group, you would assume that preteens don’t want to be anywhere near their parents because they’re so embarrassed by them. In almost every movie or TV show, parents are portrayed as rather stupid, dated, and awkward. Honestly, I’d be embarrassed by most of them as well.

The prince of this world is having a heyday with families by deceiving parents into pulling back or transitioning to being their child’s friend instead of offering them the truth, love, safety, and emotional stability that is so critical as they develop. You see, God didn’t design our families to dissolve or our influence to stop when our kids became preteens. Sadly, many parents back off and grieve the changes they see in their children during this phase instead of continuing to engage in their lives as they did when they were younger. They stop taking advantage of the unique position they’ve been given to help shepherd their children through this phase of their growth.

This leaves our kids at the mercy of others who are very willing to fill that void, and culturally, we’re seeing the fruit of that. Issues that have always proved difficult for preteens are magnified now that so many of them have access to so much media and information right at hand. Issues like distraction, bullying, addiction, pornography, and more are impacting our children even more than they have historically, and rates of youth anxiety, depression, and suicide are rising at alarming rates.

Good relationships with parents and families give preteens better emotional support, the security and safety of healthy boundaries, and protection against a wide range of risky behaviors. Continue doing what God has called you to do: parenting and disciplining your children with love, going for their hearts all along the way. There’s no pause button on God’s call for parents while your kids go through this preteen time. So stay consistent and stay engaged. They may bristle at it, but they will thank you for it later.

Adapted from Faith That Sticks: 5 Real-Life Ways to Disciple Your Preteen by Tricia Goyer and Leslie Nunnery (© 2025). Published by Moody Publishers. Used by permission.

Tricia Goyer is a speaker, podcast host, and USA Today bestselling author of over 90 books. She writes in various genres, including fiction, parenting, marriage, and books for children and teens. Tricia is a wife, a homeschooling mom of ten, and enjoys mentoring writers through WriteThatBook.Club. She lives near Little Rock, AR.

Leslie Nunnery, cofounder of Teach Them Diligently and mom of four, inspires Christian parents to embrace biblical discipleship and intentional parenting. She equips families to grow spiritually and build strong relationships.