by Laura L. Smith
Henri Nouwen, renowned theologian and psychologist, said the world determines who we are by
1. what we have and
2. what people say about us.
But, if we live in God’s kingdom, we can define ourselves by what Jesus tells us.[1]
So…
What do you have?
A clean house? A noticeable scar? A great haircut? A jaded past? The ability to speak four languages? An ugly breakup? A scrumptious curry recipe? We all have things we’re proud of and grateful for and things we would prefer to hide or get rid of altogether.
What do people say about you?
She’s smart. A know-it-all. Funny. Awkward. A great listener. Too quiet. Spontaneous. Impulsive.
There will always be more things we could buy, gain, or achieve. There will always be more people whose approval we could try to win. It’s an endless quest.
We long to have worth. To be seen. To be enough. But our search for value doesn’t have to be endless.
We see this in Jesus’s encounter with a woman who, by the world’s standards, had none of the things it told her she should have. And what people said about her? Also not that great.
We discover through Jesus’s conversation with her that the woman had five husbands and was now living with another man. Was she widowed? Divorced? A combination of both? Life expectancies were short, and men could divorce their wives on a whim. Either situation would be painful, disruptive, and traumatic if it happened once, let alone five times.
What man was she currently living with? He could have been a relative who took her in out of pity since a woman without a husband was subject to homelessness. In desperation for food and shelter the woman could have become enslaved to a master. We don’t know the details, but they feel stark. It’s safe to say the woman felt sorrow, loss, insecurity, uncertainty, and displacement. She’d signed up for companionship, love, protection, and provision, for sharing a life with someone, for the status of wife, multiple times, but it never lasted.
And what did people say about her? What would someone say in your town about a woman who had five previous husbands and was living with another man? Even though we don’t know her specifics, they were likely tragic and not her fault, but that has never stopped people from talking.
The other women in her community came to the well in the mornings and evenings, when the temperature was cooler, to collect water for their households. While they filled their buckets, they chatted, visited, and laughed together. But this woman came in the scorching middle of the day. When no one could say the judgy things they said or give those looks that could be louder than words.
Did I mention she was a Samaritan?
Jewish people avoided Samaritans. Like, walked miles out of their way on dusty roads without sidewalks to avoid passing through a Samaritan village. Jesus and His disciples were Jewish. The disciples went into town to get food while Jesus rested at the well (John 4:8). Why would Jesus stop here? the disciples wondered. In this village? Where “these people” live? The disciples were even more stunned to find Jesus talking to a woman when they returned (verse 27). The New Living Translation says the disciples were “shocked.”
Jesus started a conversation with this woman who had lost so much by telling her God had a special gift waiting for her. Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks this water [referring to the water from the well] will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst” (verses 13–14).
Jesus offered the Samaritan woman something that would quench her thirst. Her thirst for love. For belonging. For protection. For stability. For acceptance. He offers this to you, too. All you have to do is believe that Jesus is your Lord and Savior. And you can drink refreshing gulps of His living water. You can step out of cultural pressures and expectations and into His glorious kingdom.
Who we are is who God says we are, not who our neighbors, coworkers, cousins or possessions say or indicate we are.
So what does God say about us? My favorite quote from Henri Nouwen is that God speaks over us, “I love you, I love you, I love you, simply because I love you.”[2]
Not because of what you do or don’t have. Not because of what they say or think. Just because God loves you.
I like to think that Jesus planned all along to talk to the Samaritan woman on that hot, sunny day. That when the disciples said, “Hey, we should really walk around, because, you know”—insert sneer—“Samaritans,” Jesus answered, “No. I have something important to take care of here. Let’s go into town.” And when they arrived in the village Jesus said to the disciples, “You go along. This meeting is going to be a one-on-one.” As the disciples rolled their eyes and went to look for lunch, Jesus thought, She should be here any minute. I can’t wait to tell her how special she is. I’m so excited to show her the love I have for her.
Jesus thinks the same thing about you today. No matter what you wish you had more or less of. No matter how others’ opinions make you feel. Mighty Jesus will go out of His way for you. He’ll sweat in the sun. He’ll defy public opinion and culture. All to offer you a special gift that will quench your deepest thirst and empower you to feel His love. Because as Nouwen says, Jesus loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. Not because of what you have. Not because of what they think. But simply because you are His.
[1] Henri Nouwen, “Who Are We? Henri Nouwen on Our Christian Identity,” podcast-style audio course, Learn25, 2017, MP3 audio.
[2] Nouwen, “Who Are We?”
Laura L. Smith is the author of fourteen books, including Holy Care for the Whole Self and How Sweet the Sound. She is also a frequent speaker at Christian conferences and events across the country. She lives in Oxford, Ohio, with her husband, and they have four kids. Learn more at laurasmithauthor.com.
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