Somebody’s Gotta Go First!

0 comments Posted on June 18, 2021

by Deb DeArmond

“Nope. I always apologize first, even if I’m not the guilty party! Not this time.”

Sound familiar? At some point, most of us have entertained this thought, even if we didn’t say it out loud.

It’s easy to be swept up in a disagreement that progresses to dispute, and if we’re not careful, to full blown damage. Often to those we care for a great deal. How can I be so certain? I may have dabbled with denial a time or two myself.

It’s been a long year: cooped up with the folks we love most on the planet. But that togetherness can turn up the emotional heat at times; tempers flare. Face it, some folks have a gift of getting on our last nerve.

So how to hold on to our sanity—and our Christianity when it happens? Go first. It’s not human nature, but it works.

F –  Forego the need to be heard—first, last and loudest.

I –   Inquire. Ask questions to understand the big picture.

R –  Remember who you are in Him. WWJD?

S  – Speak the truth in love. Make your point without making an enemy.

T  – Tend to the relationship needs, “Are we okay?”

This can be toughest when you see yourself as the “injured party.” Resist the need to require that acknowledgement. The Lord is our champion, and He can press that reality, if He sees the need.

Remember: when you’re willing to go first, you make your Father smile!

Deb DeArmond is a writer and speaker. She often writes on marriage and family, but her newest book Bumper Sticker Be-Attitudes is a humor-tinged devotional for the busy believer seeking deep truths with a chuckle on the side. Find her at booksellers and online at and


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